Currently Listening Foiled By Blue October see related

      My life is good. I am in a stable, happy relationship with a great guy. I have a newish job that I love, due to who I work with, and I am still pursuing my college education. I suppose I have always been one to want more out of life than just the ordinary. I have desires and wishes that have yet to be accomplished like everyone else, but why should I let those things affect my happiness?

       It is possible that I want to much to fast? I have wanted to take singing lessons for far to long and am not financially able to do so for now. It seems that I will more than likely not begin the radiologic program at U.A.M.S. or any other school until next year. I am unhappy with my body, and to be honest I am not sure I have ever been happy with my body. I have fallen out of a normal exercise regime. As a result, I have gained several pounds and loath myself for it. I want to be more artistic than I am, more talented at the things that I desire to do.

        Are my rantings void, and useless? I suppose I feel incomplete. I want to travel, buy my first house, accomplish my degree and etc...I suppose you might say that I want to live my life to the fullest, rather than sit on a bench and watch it go by. Any advice would be welcomed.

Currently Listening Yes, Virginia... By The Dresden Dolls see related

        I suppose that I haven't had the time, nor felt like putting the enegery into blogging lately. I seem to go through stages when it comes to blogging, at times I make it a priority to post and at other times I couldn't care less.

       I feel like every decision that I make about the soon to be future is a defining moment in how things will end up. I suppose I feel like I am writing my story day by day. The decisions I make today will have an influence on the next three years of my life. I have one semester left before I begin at U.A.M.S., that is if I am accepted to the program. I honestly don't believe that I won't be accepted, however, I am not completely confident that I will persevere and complete the degree. I am unsure and somewhat scared about the decisions I have to make in the near future.

        I am deciding on what my school schedule will be for next semester. It seems as if on my journey to get my B.S. in radiologic imaging I have managed to obtain enough hours to recieve my Associates of Science. To recieve that degree at the end of the of next semester I must complete four more classes. I must take college algebra, (which I have been avoiding, like the plague), physical science, philosophy, and a literature course. I am a little distrubed about taking physical science and college algebra during the same semester, but I know I can do it. I am certain that I should go ahead and get the degree incase something happens in the future.

      The semester is going well. If everything goes as planned I will have 3 A's and one B...the B could possibly be a C, but we shall see. I am dissapointed that it has taken me this long to get to where I am. I shouldn't have wasted the time that I have by just screwing around. I should have been in this program a year ago, but we must all learn in our own ways. I suppose I had to learn the hard way.

       I am still uncertain what to do about my grandmother, considering she is in the condition she is in. I am starting to think that the nursing home is the best place for her, unfortunately a part of me completely disagrees. Her health has deteriorated so much since she has been there, and her state of mind isn't what it used to be before she went into the nursing home. My family all seem to think its the best, however, they were never there before now. What right do they have to make this decision? I realize her son is her son, but my grandmother raised me as well. I love that woman more than anything in this world, she is the closest thing that I have to a parent. I know that I can't take care of her on my own. I can't stop what I am doing and move to Crossett and take care of her the way she needs to be taken care of. My family wouldn't be willing to help me if she lived with me. I suppose only time will tell.

       I took my floating holiday today so that I wouldn't loose it, and am going to use the time to be productive and begin a few papers that need to be done before Thanksgiving break. What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving. My birthday is falling on Thanksgiving this year, which means that I will be with my grandmother for my birthday, which also means that I will probably be around the rest of my family on that day as well. What a way to spend your birthday. Atleast I shall see my grandmother then.

P.S. 

Dentist are evil!  

Currently Listening B-Sides By Damien Rice see related

Random post

What is it that makes us humans’ tick? Do we all have our own individual personalities or can we easily be placed into a category? If so how many categories are there, what criteria must you meet to be placed into the categories? I suppose we all generalize, and stereotype those who are around us. Does that make us intelligent, perceptive, or just plain dense? I suppose we must all be stereotypical to some degree. But how much is too much?

I hate it when people automatically make a premature assumption about someone. Anyone have any comments or thoughts they would like to discuss?

Currently Listening Finally Woken By Jem see related

My Friend Erin

My best friend Erin and I recently got to hang out. Seeing as we don’t live near each other spending time together has become a very rare thing. We both went to high school together; she was one grade above me.

While together we find ourselves influencing each other’s crazy sides. For instance, I drove from Monticello to Crossett so that we could have lunch together this on Sunday. Once we arrived at the destination of choice to eat we were surprised to see that the restaurant was full. I immediately got the bright idea that we should drive to Bastrop, LA. to eat pizza at our favorite pizzeria, Johnny’s. We both agreed and we drove another thirty minutes to Bastrop, (I had already driven from Little Rock to Monticello, and them from Monticello to Crossett).

After eating we decided to see if we could find a park to play around in and take pictures. The park ironically was only a block down the street from the location of Johnny’s.  Erin wrote a blog, which I have decided to post her comments of the events that occurred during our trip to help you understand what we did.

            Tony and I got to see each other last weekend! It was great. We headed out and decided to go to Louisiana to eat...then to a playground to monkey around...

Points to remember:

--seesaws are not what they used to be...or maybe I'm just not what I used t o be

--it is excessively hilarious for a child to see two adults playing on a playground...

--not only is it hilarious, they want to take your picture and show you their tricks :) Very cute!

--you cannot climb up a slide after the ago of 12...unless you're Tony

--barefoot...in the sand! that's beauty.

Erin will be graduating on the 12^th of May and she seems to be going through what I liked to call pre-graduation jitters. This is of course completely understandable. I have had many friends who find themselves in this stage before graduating.

            It is completely natural to feel worried and excited all at the same time about graduating. You find yourself in a transitional stage where things won’t be the same anymore. You won’t be able to see all of your friends on regular occasion, you find yourself looking for a job, yet to have found one. You become annoyed because everyone who is looking for someone to hire wants you to have experience….you have no experience because no one will hire you to gain it.

            I’ve always thought that once it is my turn to graduate I will have only one feeling. This feeling of course is happiness that I am finally done. My college experience isn’t your ideal of how college should be. I work full time already, and go to school full time. Everyone always tells me that I will miss it once I am done. I find that hard to believe but I suppose only time will tell.

            Erin I want you to know that you will always have a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to no matter what. I think that you will be fine. You will find a job and finally be able to stand on your two feet. Just be patient, and everything will come to you.

A few disturbing issues

            I am not clear on how exactly I should feel about a few things that have happened lately. I was informed that I wasn’t invited to Richard’s party. Richard originally mentioned this party to me a few weeks before the actual occurrence. Apparently, I had been originally invited but later disinvested for reasons unexplained, at least by Richard. Luke told me, that Richard didn’t want to invite me because of the drama that occurs after Ryan and I are out in a social setting. Ryan has issues with being social. He is socially challenged. Ryan and I have had a few arguments dealing with this issue. Usually during the outing Ryan seems very uncomfortable and awkward. He typically doesn’t speak. This worries me; it makes me think that he is having a terrible time. Which in turn, ruins the outing for me as well.

            Ryan has been doing much better during social encounters for the past month. I’m not sure which bothers me more. The fact that Richard felt like not discussing this issue with me before making a decision for me, or that he tried to mask the identity of the party as another party for a few of Brian’s friends who are going to be married soon, when the party was clearly the party that we had discussed several weeks earlier.

            I am also unclear how I should feel about my job at the moment. My boss, as you should all know by now is terrible. She is extremely lazy and shows up for work on time possibly once a week. She also is, “sick,” at least once a week.

            She recently discovered that Jennifer, my co-worker, has planned on leaving. Once she found out this information she called me into her office to talk to me. She told me that Jennifer may be leaving, and that more than likely our regional manager would probably only want to hire someone part time to replace her. Jennifer had informed me of a possible job change much earlier because we are friends outside of our work environment. Bronwynne, stated that if Jennifer leaves she must know that I am capable of handling my job without making any mistakes, because I may have to take on some of Jennifer’s smaller job duties. She then informed me that she felt like I am not doing the best job and feels that I can improve on my job duties.

            I will admit that as of late I have found it very difficult to care about my job enough to put 100% into my duties. However, my boss, of all people should not be sitting me down to give me a lecture about my mistakes, and telling me that I should improve. A boss should lead by example. She clearly doesn’t lead by example, nor does she do much else that her job title requires. I am still completely unsure how she has managed to get away with it this long. I suppose our corporate office being in St. Louis might have something to do with it.

            After she finished her discussion with me I responded by telling her that I would work on my weak points. She said that she would like to have a review in a month to see how I was doing. I then informed her that I had a problem with doing any of Jennifer’s duties if I wasn’t being paid or acknowledged as the person who was doing them. That was my way of saying unless you give me a promotion do not expect me to do anything that isn’t part of my job description. I feel bad for having that type of attitude towards my job. It wasn’t long ago that I loved ever aspect of my job, other than my boss. I find that the more she slacks off, the more I justify slacking off myself.

            I am not sure how long I shall be able to deal with working alone with Bronwynne if Jennifer does leave. I have taken it upon myself to begin looking for a new job. Hopefully, I will not have to quit my position but if things don’t get better I am not sure how long I can manage dealing with her. Our entire staff can’t stand her. We all have considered leaving because of her.

            Other than that, I suppose everything seems to be going well. School is coming to an end for another semester. I do pray that I pass my math class. I really would prefer to not take it again. I am doing great in my other classes. I am going to make a trip to Crossett this weekend to visit my grandmother. Her 81^st birthday is on the 25^th. I won’t be able to go see her during the week so I am doing it early.

            Anyone have any advise?